De ja vu

It happened again. On the way home from the gym I stop at the grocery and someone makes a rude comment. Last time it was a woman in an electric cart laughing at my “cankles”. Yes, I have cankles, and thankfully these cankles are able to walk my nearly 400lbs body around the store and I do not need the assistance of a cart. For the record I have never used an electric cart, not that I never “needed” one, but they scare me and I’d either not go shopping or I’d endure the walk and rest myself against a normal shopping cart.

This time I didn’t hear the comments, my boyfriend heard and saw the giggles. He was far more bothered by it than I am. He was actually so bothered than he was unusually quiet during dinner. I even asked “what are you thinking about?” and he declined to say. On the way home he finally came clean. It seems the three tweens who were standing in the checkout lane and quickly excused themselves as got in line, huddled in the next lane and giggled about “her”.

It happens more times than I care to admit. I’ve been asked how am I so strong to not let that bother me. Well, of course it bothers me. Every time I get a stare or hear a giggle it stings, but only for second. After that initial sting, I remember that these people don’t know me. They don’t know what disease I have, how hard I work to fight it, or how much I’ve overcome in life.

Maybe I should tell them? Nah, I will save my energy for my priorities in life and just blog about it here.

I will say I hope those young ladies grow up to have as much self-confidence and strength that I have to deal with life’s challenges.

I’m moving over…

I’m moving my blog here to WordPress…stay tuned.

Surgeon General: Being Fit is Not About a Dress Size

 

We have a new Surgeon General of the United States and her credibility is being questioned because of her weight??? What is wrong with people? Perhaps we need to write our BP, cholesterol, and blood sugar levels on our forheads to prove we are healthy. As she states, she struggles with her weight just as 67% of Americans do, being fit is not about a dress size.

I know a wealth of information about proper diet and nutrition, but I’m fat so I guess no one should listen to me…whatever. I can remember workplace lunches where the topic of fitness and nutrition began and the smokers and regular drinkers would try to chime in on anything I contributed. So just because their BMI is normal, they are healthier than I am??? What about the fact I too workout and don’t smoke or drink weekly. In 30 years, I’m more likely NOT to have lung cancer and/or psorosis of the liver.

 I like the idea of having a real life person who struggles with her weight lead an initiave against obesity. As she said: she knows the struggles. I’m tired of being told what to eat and what not to eat by stick thin nutritionists who have never been overweight, let alone obese, or morbidly obese. Granted, many of these nutritionists were very nice, there was just something that didn’t click. Like getting semi-truck driving lessons from someone who’s only driven a compact car.

Fat on Fat Hate

I accept that I’m fat, but I typically don’t like the fat acceptance movement. Probably because there is a difference between being fat and healthy, and being fat and in denial.

I was in denial for many years. I KNEW I was fat, but I was trying to “hide” my fatness from others. I became very well accustomed to accomadating my size and limitations as so others didn’t notice. In 3rd grade, age 8, I planned out my 3 flight climb from the playground back to my classroom. Either be first in line or last. First meant I set the pace for the entire line, and last meant I could lag behind if needed. In middle school and high school it meant figuring out which desks I fit in and make sure I got to class in time to move the desk to my assigned spot if needed.

Throughout my life I was trying to prove that I could do anything despite my size. I was in the band, went to prom, went to college. At my jobs I would stay late, take extra shifts, and rarely ask for a break. Breaks are for lazy people. No matter how bad my feet hurt from supporting 400+ lbs, I wouldn’t let them seem me “be lazy”.

And it worked. Well sorta. I’ve heard from someone who saw me working before we became friends years later, and she told me she had never seen someone so fat move so much. Ah, success. Or perhaps not, my denial eventually caught up with me. I was fat, others knew it and others (some not all) judged me on it.

Nothing stung as bad as being fired because of my weight. When asked why my boss was forced to fire me I was told “some people equate fat with being lazy, it’s not right, but they do”. It was a temporary job so there was no fighting the decision. I loved working there, I had given many hours, many ideas, made an impact. And they broke up with me because I was fat.

From this I learned that proving myself wasn’t needed. I had tried so hard for people to like me, and many did, but not everyone and so in the end I wasted many hours that I should have spent on myself. I liked me, but I never made ME a priority. I’m not a mind changer.

Another thing that made me realize I need to stop proving to others that fat people can do normal things is the Fat on Fat hate I’ve experienced. You would think all us fat people should understand the challenges we face and support each other. Yeah, we’re no different than other groups…there are haters among us.

Here’s a couple of my fav hater moments:

I’m at the gym on a weight machine. I have my iPod on jamming to some tunes. This woman and her kids are talking to her husband who’s on another machine. The woman waves at me like she knows me, then starts to walk towards me. I’m thinking she knows me from somewhere, but I don’t recognize her. I take my headphones off and she says “Hi, are you having or did you have surgery”…o.k. “surgery” to fat people automatically means bariatric surgery, just like the “the pill” refers to birth control. Annoyed I reply, “I’ve had it”. She continues and asked me when. Seriously? I’m at the GYM, exercising. Leave me alone. But I’m nice like that I tell her 2003. She then lets me know she works for a doctor who can do a revision. Wow. Then like to make it better she tells me she’s had weight loss surgery. Yeah, no it doesn’t mean we’re WLSisters. You’re rude. Would it be o.k. to walk up to a stranger and say “oh I know a doctor who can fix your nose”. No, it wouldn’t. Now I know some people will say “oh she was just trying to help, because she herself knows how it feels to be obese and wanted to spread the saving word of surgery”. Let me repeat, we can only save ourselves, not others. Now if in the course of conversation surgery comes up and she mentions she had it and I ask her more about, blah blah blah. That’s a bit different. But for the love of pasta people, it’s never ever ok to approach a stranger on such a private matter.

The second incident happened the same week. No lie.

After I left the gym I went to the grocery store. I had used the whirlpool after working out so I wasn’t wearing my compression garments. My legs are discolored, swollen, not pretty but they are much better than they were 7 years ago so I don’t give it a second thought to show them in public. So as I’m picking up some lunchmeat this women in a store scooter passes by with her friend walking next to her, as they pass I hear the woman in the scooter say “Wow, check out them cankles” then she and her friend both laugh. Wow. Really? You’re in a scooter and yet have the nerve to make fun of my “cankles”. You know I could have had several come backs like “at least these cankles can walk this fatass around the store”, etc.

But it wasn’t worth wasting my time. She obviously makes herself feel better by putting others down. And I have the pleasure of making myself feel better by the things I’ve accomplished in my life, and knowing others may try but they will never knock me down.

Bathing Beauty

I’m sitting here in my bathing suit.

Why?

Because I’m about to head to an aqua aerobics class. Yes, that’s right I’m wearing a bathing suit AND going out in public. It’s a nightmare scenario for many. Even the non-obese have this fear of bathing suits. I live in Miami, there are beautiful people everywhere…real and fake. I actually asked myself if I was “pretty enough” to move to Miami five years ago. Afterall not only couldn’t I fit into a bikini, my legs are too bit to fit into rollerblades. Crazy, am I? You know you think the same self-defeating thoughts. But really have you ever looked at others, it’s not the body, it’s the suit. Either you have a cute well fitting suit or you don’t. I’ve been on cruises, to busy waterparks and to the beach. I’ve seen many bodies, young and old, fat and skinny, male and female, in bathing suits. Skinny doesn’t equal cute, confidence equals cute….so find you a nice bathing suit and strut your stuff.

I love the water, my mom would take me to water baby classes at the YMCA and that is where I’m headed in about 15 minutes, to the YMCA. I’m going to test drive their advanced aqua aerobics class. Yeah, I’m skipping ahead to advanced. I LOVE me some water exercises and they love me back unlike other exercises. I joined a gym back in July, and yes I actually WENT and worked out. I would do about 30 mins of cardio, and 30-45 mins of weight training. It felt great to accomplish so much. Then my lymphedema got worse, it doesn’t like the strain, despite the fact I work compression garments. So I returned to my search for a decent aqua program. This one is about 20 mins away but hopefully worth the drive. Expect a full report. And look forward to my test drive of their belly dancing class on Saturday.

New Tech? or Fat Tagging?

I’m having flashbacks to the nature shows my dad would make me watch where they hunted down animal and tagged them in order to track their habits and activities.

This scares me, the assumption that fat people lie about their eating and activities.

Yes, we’re fat, lazy and liars. Nice.
From AP:

Fight against fat goes high-tech with new devices

By ALICIA CHANG, AP Science Writer Alicia Chang, Ap Science Writer

ALHAMBRA, Calif. – The fight against fat is going high-tech. To get an inside look at eating and exercise habits, scientists are developing wearable wireless sensors to monitor overweight and obese people as they go about their daily lives.

The experimental devices are designed to keep track of how many minutes they work out, how much food they consume and even whether they are at a fast-food joint when they should be in the park. The goal is to cut down on self-reported answers that often cover up what’s really happening.

In a lab in this Los Angeles suburb, two overweight teenagers help test the devices by taking turns sitting, standing, lying down, running on a treadmill and playing Wii. As music thumps in the background, wireless sensors on their chests record their heart rates, stress levels and amount of physical activity. The information is sent to a cell phone.

“I can’t feel my legs,” 15-year-old Amorette Castillo groans after her second treadmill run.

Traditional weight-loss interventions rely mainly on people’s memory of what they ate for dinner and how many minutes they worked out. But researchers have long known that method can be unreliable since people often forget details or lie.

The new devices are being designed in labs or created with off-the-shelf parts. Some similar instruments are already on the market, including a model that tracks calories burned by measuring motion, sweat and heat with armbands.

But the devices in development aim to be more sophisticated by featuring more precise electronics and sometimes even video cameras. Many emerging systems also strive to provide instant feedback and personalized treatment for wearers.

At the University of Southern California lab, the teens alternated between being sedentary and active as researchers resolved the technical bugs. Later this year, some will wear the body sensors at home on weekends. If they get too lazy, they will get pinged with a text message.

“We’ll be able to know real-time if they’re inactive, if they’re active,” said Donna Spruijt-Metz, a USC child obesity expert in charge of the project.

The devices are made possible by advances in technology such as accelerometers that can measure the duration and intensity of a workout. They also use Bluetooth-enabled cell phones that can take pictures of meals and send information back.

Will all this wizardry lead to a slimmer society? Scientists say there’s reason to hope. Getting an accurate picture of what people eat and how often they move around will help researchers develop personalized weight-loss advice.

Obesity is epidemic in the United States with two-thirds of adults either overweight or obese. It’s a major health concern for children and adolescents, who are at higher risk for high blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes as they grow older.

A federally funded pilot project by the Pennington Biomedical Research Center in Louisiana is exploring whether people can lose more weight when tracked by technology.

Participants carry around Blackberry Curves to snap pictures of their meals and leftovers. They also wear a quarter-sized device on their shoe that counts the number of steps they take.

Counselors pore over the incoming data and give individually tailored health advice through e-mail or telephone. Every month, the participants get their weight checked, and their progress is compared against a separate group that receives only generic health tips.

The study involves just seven people, but researchers eventually hope to have 40.

“It’s highly personalized. You get feedback very quickly,” said Corby Martin, who heads Pennington’s Ingestive Behavior Laboratory.

By using technology to capture eating and exercise details, researchers hope to bypass self-reporting that can sometimes give an incomplete picture.

But some medical experts are concerned about ethical questions. Even if people agree to be tracked, researchers worry about intruding into the rest of their lives and the lives of those around them.

“As a researcher, I’m a professional voyeur, and I like to find out whatever I can about human subjects,” said William McCarthy, a professor of public health and psychology at the University of California, Los Angeles. “But if I were a subject, I’d be concerned about the level of detail that’s being captured about my behavior from moment to moment.”

University of Pittsburgh engineer Mingui Sun has developed a necklace equipped with a video camera that records where a person goes and what he or she eats. Before a researcher sees the data, it’s filtered by a computer that blurs out other people’s faces.

The device is not smart enough to know whether the wearer ate a Big Mac or tofu. So a researcher inputs the food, and the computer calculates the portion size, calories and nutrients.

Sun’s lab workers are wearing the prototype, and he hopes to test it on real people by the middle of the year.

Another concern is whether people, particularly youngsters, will stick with it.

Fellow Pittsburgh researcher Dana Rofey recently completed a study of 20 overweight female preteens and teens who wore armbands tracking the number of steps taken and calories burned daily.

Researchers found the armbands were worn 75 percent of the time. Though the study did not include a comparison group, researchers were pleased with the high compliance rate.

On a recent weekday, Castillo and another study volunteer, 13-year-old Eric Carles, headed straight from school to the USC lab, where they strapped the sensors on and went through a sort of circuit training. The project manager timed them as a postdoctoral student recorded the session through a one-way mirror.

Through periods of sitting, standing and exercising, they chatted about scary movies and upcoming exams. Wearing the devices felt “weird” to Castillo initially, but she has since grown used to it.

Castillo admits she doesn’t exercise as she often as she would like and has a sweet tooth for chocolate. Carles, who plays after-school sports, confesses he eats a lot. The teens were willing to try anything to help them lose weight.

After enduring more than two hours of required physical activity, the two were allowed to do whatever they want. Researchers called it “free living,” and it offered a glimpse into the activities teens would choose when they test the sensors at home.

The two chose to play a music video game. With Castillo on drums and Carles on the guitar, they rocked out to Duran Duran and Bon Jovi as researchers looked on.

Frog legs and butt cracks.

Note to self: Jump test.

The pretty blue Land’s End bathing suit fits, I swear it does. But my “baby got back” needs extra coverage when jumping is involved. I walked around in it just fine, but bring on the jumping in water and it’s weggie time. So next time I’ll be sure to wear a different bathing suit…I have more than one…I umm have more than five.

Next time.

Why yes, next time. This was the class I’ve been looking for, great workout, fun instructor, and did I mention great workout. Despite what the dumbass at Bally’s on 163rd Street in Miami said (which was that I could get a better workout than water aerobics, saying this in reply to my question does your club have water aerobics…the answer was no, but hey let’s diss her choice while we’re at it) water exercises are an excellent workout option for all. And according to the YMCA 45 minutes of walking in water is equivalent to 3 hours on land. It also puts less pressure on your joints. And hands down I can do more “things”, positions, stretches, crunches, in the water than I can do on land.

And as a bonus for me, unlike land excersises than can strain my lymphatic system, water exercises are beneficial for lymphedema patients. The depth of the water creates compression, and the motion of the water against my legs works like gentle massage.

No wonder I gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now at the end of class.